PALS proposal

Earlier in January, Colin Munn and Andy forwarded me a message (independently) sent out from Lynda Rodwell about the SoMSE Teaching and Learning Awards. Ooo... I was tremendously excited by this and decided I was going to submit a proposal. It is my hope to see the PALS programme implemented within the marine biology degree programmes. So, after finally getting some expenditures from Carolyn, I put together a 1 page proposal. I asked Rikka for feedback and he provided some very constructive feedback for me. During a quick chat with him, he told me he thought that it was great that I applying for this award and that he had been at Plymouth for 5-6 years before he decided to apply for a similar award. That made me feel great in light of knowing how some of the others in my research group feel about me. Knowing that Rikka thought I was doing something 'right' was almost a sigh of relief.

So, after getting feedback from Colin, Jason, Andy and Carolyn, I sent the proposal off to Lynda with just about everything crossed. I will find out sometime in mid-late February whether or not my proposal will be funded. I'd really like to see this funded as it would be GREAT for all of our students!

Getting things done...

Well, after a bit of procrastination, I have finally managed to nail down a time for my PGCAP tutor to come and do one of my teaching observations. Jennie will be coming during one of the Threatened Aquatic Ecosystems pracs. Simon has said that if I want to lead that session I am more than welcome to. We'll see how I feel closer to the time.

As for other things, I have finished the award proposal to try and implement PALS into the marine bio degrees. I have given a copy to Rikka and to Andy to get some feedback. How awesome would it be to be allocated the funding?!?!?

Change is definitely afoot within MBERC... so many things that are coming that will have HUGE impacts on our group. It makes me sad... it also makes me a bit worried. It'll be interesting to find out what Pete has to say in the meeting on Friday. Perhaps my post is secure within the group, perhaps not.

I attended the PU Strategy 2020 Workshop today. It was an interesting experience. I don't find the VC an inspiring speaker, but I do like where they would like to see the university to be at in 8 years time. There is a lot of new thinking out there. It could be a great experience for students and staff alike. It was really great to get to speak to people at my table from very different backgrounds and roles on campus. More organic sessions such as this need to occur more often. Change could happen sooner, ideas could be more creative and the vision could be greatly expanded.... but perhaps I am bit too much of a dreamer.

The permanent full time LD post was advertised today. I plan on applying and see what happens. I feel so welcomed within LD. It's a nice place to work with really great people, but I am not sure that it can totally fulfil all of my career aspirations. I'll cross that bridge if I come to it.

And finally, very depressing news. I just found out that one of our lecturers will be leaving at the end of this academic year. That makes me sad as he was a good laugh and always fun on field courses. A big, big hole will be left in his absence. Damn...

But in other news, I had some really great experiences in Learning Development this week and feel so much more appreciated in my role as a Learning Development Advisor than I do as in my lecturing role. On Monday, I shadowed Joe on a Presentations workshop for 3rd year Environmental Science students... it was a nice mix of humour and good ideas on how to present data... and yourself! :-)

We also had quite a meeting about the PhD writing up workshop on Wednesday. It seemed I would play a greater role than originally expected, which was great. This was followed up by the weekly team meeting, which was also good to see the directions the group is likely to head in the future.

I had my first go alone in the Drop-In Zone in the library. Sadly, there were no students that came to see me. I am still pretty nervous about providing the right sort of feedback at the right level, but I guess that is something that will only come in time and with lots of practice.

This coming Monday I will start learning the ropes of the email submissions through the Learn mailbox. Should be good, but again, a little terrifying at the same time. All of the others in the group seem so eloquent in their replies to the students, but I must remember, they have been doing this for YEARS! I am new to this process, but it doesn't mean I am incapable. I want to work hard at making this job work for me!

Reflecting on the past week...

So, as with anything, time and distance helps to mend bad things and bad feelings. I feel like I am moving through the 5 stages of grief after the news from last Friday.

5 Stages of Grief:

1. Denial --  the world becomes meaningless and overwhelming. Life makes no sense. We are in a state of shock and denial. We go numb. 
2. Anger -- Underneath anger is pain, your pain. Anger is strength and it can be an anchor, giving temporary structure to the nothingness of loss. At first grief feels like being lost at sea: no connection to anything.
3. Bargaining -- We become lost in a maze of “If only…” or “What if…” statements. We want life returned to what is was…if only, if only, if only. The “if onlys” cause us to find fault in ourselves and what we “think” we could have done differently. 
4. Depression -- We withdraw from life, left in a fog of intense sadness, wondering, perhaps, if there is any point in going on alone? The first question to ask yourself is whether or not the situation you’re in is actually depressing. 
5. Acceptance -- Finding acceptance may be just having more good days than bad ones. Instead of denying our feelings, we listen to our needs; we move, we change, we grow, we evolve. 

I currently feel that I am in the anger phase... I want nothing more that show the doubters that they are beyond wrong in their thoughts.

MBERC teaching and observing...

On Tuesday I attended the 1st of 6 lectures given by Simon in Threatened Aqautic Ecosystems. These are the sets of lectures I am due to take over next academic year, breathing new life into the topic. :-) I have never seen Simon lecture before, but had heard comments from students through the years. It seems he doesn't get much joy out of doing it. He apologised numerous times during the lecture and said the word 'important' about 50 times! I hope that when I take over I don't do the same!

Self doubt....

I learned something in the pub tonight that is tremendously upsetting to me. Some folks in my research group feel that since I don't want to be a hardcore researcher, I have no purpose teaching, no purpose in being a lecturer. Talk about making me cry my eyes out... I want nothing but the best for out students and will do whatever it takes to make that happen. I am devastated. I have no idea how to manage how I am currently feeling.

Manu has been a super star in trying to fight my corner. I gave her several hugs at the pub tonight. It made her uncomfortable.... she had no idea that I would react the way that I did (letting the tears flow). After speaking with me and attending the PGCAP course with me last week, she now understands what I am trying to achieve and believes in me. She knows that I am striving to be an excellent educator. Perhaps she has persuaded one other to realise that is what I am trying to be. How many others need to be persuaded? Can they be? Should I even try? I feel so lost at this moment in time. All I want is to inspire, engage and help the next generation of scientists to find their way... and be successful in their journey. Is that so wrong? Is that not to be valued? I can't stop crying about this.

Writing skills...

One of the areas that I really want to focus my PGCAP assessments around is the lack of writing undertaken by undergraduates at Plymouth University. This goes hand in hand with the lack of good feedback received from the lecturers. The more involved I become in my LDA role, the more it is becoming apparent that writing, or the lack thereof, really does hinder PU students ability to be competitive on the job market. One of the things the Dean said in yesterday's meeting is that employers in and around Plymouth don't want to employ our undergrads as they are not prepared to lead and run projects, offices, and contribute in a valuable way. Partly this comes down to lack of communication skills.

After chatting with Pete about what the students undertake at St Andrews (loads of assessments and writing that makes our students look like they don't do anything), I find myself asking the question, why do some lecturers think that the students at Plymouth are over-assessed?